Last night, Minnesota got an earth drenching thunderstorm.  The winds were gusting, bending the trees and carrying debris across the yard.  It was both awe inspiring and a little unnerving.  The storm hit in the middle of the night so the darkness made it hard to know when the storm would pass and the winds would die down.

When the storms of life come, it can leave us feeling like we are in the dark.  The cloud covering, so thick and ominous, can make the day feel like night.  They might even be so severe our power goes out and leaves us in utter darkness.

There have been many times in the last three years that I have felt like a storm system had permanently taken up residence over us.  There were whole weeks where it felt like the darkness/storm would never break.  Maybe you can relate?  In those moments, I would look to God and ask, “Where are you?” “Can you see what is happening down here?” “How long is this going to last?”  It was so easy to get discouraged and give into fear.

A few months ago when we had a particularly strong storm battering us, this verse came up in my daily reading.

Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light for my path.”

It made me stop and wonder, why a lamp?  With all possible forms of illumination is a lamp really the best source of light?  God is all powerful, there must be other, more powerful, ways to light a path right?

I am completely type A, a solid one on the Enneagram.  I like to have back up plans for my back up plans.  Keeping someone like me in the dark could possibly be the MOST uncomfortable feeling.  I need to see where I am going and know how I am going to get there.  I want to be able to anticipate and maneuver around any obstacles that might be in the way.  A lamp would not be my first choice for lighting.  A flood light would be more ideal.

Now, I understand that flood lights were not even an option when the Psalms were written somewhere between 1440 and 538 BC.  Cultural relevance aside, I am not sure that the source of illumination would have changed if other more powerful forms had been available.

Lamps can hold some beautiful symbolism.

A lamp is usually held close to the body.  Staying close to Jesus is the ONLY thing that has gotten me through the last few years.  He doesn’t want to be some distant thing in our lives.  “He is close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18

A lamp needs fuel to give off light.  If we want to use a lamp to light our path, we need some source of fuel.  It will require us to be intentional.  I start every day with prayer, I blast worship music each morning as I am taking a shower and getting ready (it is like my daily pep talk to get me ready to face the day), I have a daily bible reading plan that leads me through the bible in a year, I participate in women’s bible studies and accountability groups and attend a small group with my husband and a solid group of friends.  Jesus is LITERALLY the fuel that keeps me going.  I also find that the more fuel I feed myself the easier it gets to see the path in front of me.  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight. ” Proverbs 3:5-6.   For me, sitting in church for an hour once a week would leave me dangerously low on the fuel I need to navigate the storms I might be facing.

Lastly, and most importantly for me, A lamp only lets you see what is directly in front of you.  God, in his infinite mercy, only allowed me to see far enough to take each next step.  If I had been able to see three years ago what my path would have looked like, all the obstacles I would be facing……friends, I would have said forget it, gone back to bed and pulled the covers over my head and never gotten up!  It would have been too overwhelming and left me so covered in fear.  Is it possible that God leaves us in the dark to protect us from seeing things he knows we are not yet ready for?  I absolutely think this could be true in my life.

I am learning to be ok with the darkness.  Keeping the lamp close to me, fueling it regularly, and being mindful that the God I choose to allow to lead me has nothing but the best for me gives me the confidence I need to take the next step.  I am learning to depend on God and not on myself.

Are you in the middle of a storm that has left you in the dark?  You are NOT alone. Jesus is there walking beside you.  Be intentional about the fuel you are using to light the way.  Follow Jesus, one foot in front of the other, until he leads you back into the SON.  His mercy can even be found in the darkness.